Free Life Coaching - How to Be Your Own Life Coach: How to be aware of opportunities and threats by resolving conflicts?

How to be aware of opportunities and threats by resolving conflicts?
Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Sometimes I wonder how much time and energy we spend on conflict resolution both in personal and professional setting. Can we avoid it? Can we save precious time and energy if we are proactive? I feel at times we become so involved with our differences and ego that we lose focus of our present opportunities and threats. Fire fighting takes prominence rather than looking forward for newer goals and objectives. Think for a moment and ask yourself: do we need to step back and reflect on our actions?

What happens normally when we have a difference with someone? We become defensive and overprotective. And I think it is normal as a human being, as it is a basic part of our nature. We want to prove our point; we want to make sure that people understand us. But the problem occurs when we do not retract and reflect on the situation to find a middle way. And more often than not, we find the other person doing the same. And this results in a deadlock.

So, what should we do and what is the best principle to follow? I have written about the Win-Win principle before, and I feel that it is the best way to resolve a conflict, read the article, and see if you can relate it to conflict resolution.

I am sure you will be able to find your own answers by reading the Win-Win principle. What happens if we do not act wisely and resolve our conflict? There is a beautiful story, which I would like to share with you now and it fits in well with this article. This story is again a gift from my Dida – Grand mom in my native language. I hope you enjoy it.

The story

There lived two gorgeous cats in a little village in India, and they were great friends. They loved to go for long walks together and that also helped them to find their daily food. One fine sunny day as they were passing by a rich merchant’s house, the merchant’s daughter saw the cats and liked them. So, she lovingly offered them a large piece of tasty biscuit. The cats became delighted and overjoyed. I am sure they thanked the lady in their own cat mannerism, and quickly took the biscuit and went to a safer place.

They decided to sit under the cool shade of a banyan tree and enjoy the meal. One of them divided the biscuit into two parts so they can share it. But a problem arose, as one part of the biscuit was little larger than the other. And both of them wanted to have the larger part. This created a big tussle between the two friends.

By seeing this entire episode, a monkey who was sitting in that tree volunteered to solve the matter. So, he told the two cats to stop fighting and assured them that he would resolve their differences. The cats felt relieved and stopped fighting.

So, to make the two pieces of biscuits equal, the monkey took the larger piece and had a bite. The cats saw this and asked the monkey, “Why are you eating our biscuit? You have told us that you are going to make both the parts equal and solve our problem.” The monkey replied, “Yes that’s what I am doing. If I do not take off a part from the larger piece how can I make them equal.” The cats thought the monkey was right, and was doing his best to help them.

Once the monkey had the first bite, he compared the two pieces. Now it seemed the other piece is bigger. And he asked the cats about what they thought. The cats replied, “Still the two pieces are not equal.” So, the monkey had another bite of the larger piece. And this time as well the two pieces seemed unequal. So, as the cats watched, the monkey took one bite after the other to make the two pieces equal. Gradually, at a point, there was nothing left because the monkey had eaten the whole biscuit. Then he ran away. The cats then realised how foolish they have been by not resolving their conflict themselves, and they decided not to make the same mistake ever again in their lifetime. So, they shook hands and carried on with their stroll.

Before I close, I would ask you to project your consciousness on the article again, and reflect for a while. And then, take a piece of paper and a pen, sit down in a quiet place, and do the following exercise. And soon you will see the difference it makes to your life.

Exercise:

(1) Ask yourself: what can I learn from this story?
(2) What happens when we give in to our ego?
(3) Is it necessary to resolve a conflict quickly by following the Win-Win principle?
(4) What happens when we involve ourselves in a conflict, do we lose focus of our threats and opportunities? Take a moment and think does it apply to both family and professional situations?

posted by Debojit Chowdhury @ 6:33 AM,

4 Comments:

At February 14, 2007, Anonymous said...: Paula Neal Mooney said...
Such good truths; I've had to learn to be a better, more emphatic listener and not judge folks so much.

And I definitely believe in win-win. So many people think this is a zero-sum game.

They are wrong.
http://paulamooney.blogspot.com
At February 14, 2007, Anonymous said...: Hi Deb,

Great story you have there. I wonder where you could have all those inspiring stories which I truly enjoy each and every one of them.

Win-Win situation is undoubtedly the best practice in the world. Besides, putting ego aside will solve much more problem.

I've an article which deal with win-win situation too which is located at http://www.earlytosuccess.com/universe-law/when-all-win-it-comes-back-to-you/

Hope that you too will enjoy it.

Cheers,
At February 14, 2007, Mahesha Iddagoda said...: This is a great story. My Aunt used to tell this story to me. I think it is a famous story.

My husband tried your Win Win theory. He had a real bad person troubling him at his work place. My husband thought to find out the root of the problem.
He found out that this person has less qualification than him. He put himself on that persons shoes and understood. This person must be feeling afraid that he will loose his job. When ever that person created problems, my husband smiled at him and talked with him kindly.

You cannot change some people sometimes. But at least it gave my husband some relief. That was good.

Actually you should be kind to such people because they are putting themselves in real bad situations when they plan to hurt you. They get hurt more than you.
At February 18, 2007, Anonymous said...: Hi Deboit,
Really I enjoy your blog. When I am free engough to read the full article I came to your blog. I am a person who only believe in success, I don't care for anything for it. I just want to reach beyond the boundaries.Your blog is really inspiring a lot. Thaks for this fantastic blog.
Regards

Jane Parker: http://gadgetcraze.blogspot.com